In Denial
by jesse22
Summary: My heart is yours now and I can't live without you. Warning: CharacterDeath!


_**In Denial**_

This is just a warm-up…I'm just testing how this works… The next one will be way more romantic….and way longer. Well, enjoy anyway. It has nothing to do with the actual storyline. I don't own Bleach.

**Warning: Character Death! **This is a extremely sad and you might have to think about it a little to get the story. :p oh…and you might want to get yourself a Kleenex

"Thump Thump Thump"

My ears are buzzing. Is it silent…or is it loud?

He's lying in front of me. I can see him. He is **there. **I can touch his hand. He's wrapped in bandages. There are Machines everywhere. But are they standing still? Are they moving? Isane is closing the door. He is there. I'm not alone in this room. He is, isn't he? I'm not alone…I **am **_**not**_** alone. **Here…together with me. I'm sitting in a chair next to his sickbed.

I'm waiting. It has been a long time since I ate anything. At least I think it is…Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? I don't know. I don't remember this feeling. I can't feel anything but this aching in my chest. But I don't understand where it is coming from. It feels so empty. But empty is not the right word, isn't it? The right word for this feeling. It is…_nothing._ Is something missing? No. **He **is here. That's everything that matters. Maybe I'm thinking too much…

And yet…I don't understand. I'm waiting.

Somebody is opening the door. Somebody is coming in. I'm looking up. But I can't see who it is. Everything is so blurry. So indistinct. What is going on? Why can't I see? I reach up my to touch my face. Wetness? Am I crying? I can taste them now. Salty and bitter….desperate. My tears…it has been a long time…

"Do you need a little more time?" I know I should recognize this voice. It's gentle and so understanding…or am I imagining things again? Why is she asking this anyway? I can see this woman now. I can see her long, braided hair. Her caring smile and pitying eyes. But they don't reach me. I'm getting cold. I'm watching **him **again. The room grows silent. There is a faint whisper of fluttering robes. I'm waiting again.

I'm afraid to move. I don't want to disturb his sleep. One part of me wants to leave; he needs his rest after all. But there is another part of me…aching to stay. It's painfully afraid to leave his side. And it grows so strong I can barely breathe. I lean back into my chair to get more comfortable. But it doesn't change anything. The air I'm breathing, the air I need to survive feels like a deadly poison to me. Like an old friend turning into an enemy. But I don't understand. What is going on? I'm looking at him to comfort me. And it really eases things up a little…freeing my chest so I can breathe again. His peaceful face is making this anxious feeling vanish. He looks so unreal. The way his ink-black hair spills over his pillow. The way his skin looks in the light of the weak lamps. There is no need to deny it: He's beautiful.

And at this moment all alone in this room with him I remember his eyes the most. The way they looked right into my soul. The way they would light up just a little at my appearance. The way they would look into mine when we were in private…like nothing else mattered but me. And they would shine with love so intense that it would almost hurt me. And right at this second it hurt. As I sat there remembering those times. And I can't understand why. Why does my heart feel like it's ripping apart? Why does it feel like I have to keep it from falling apart?

The door opens. I nearly jump out of my seat at this sudden movement. "Yoruichi-sama?"

I don't react. I feel so disorientated all of a sudden. The woman is silent. It is a woman, isn't it? "I am so sorry… But he didn't suffer."

I'm furious. What the hell is this woman talking about? Can't she see that I don't want to deal with noisy people right now? I look up. There are more people standing behind her. They look…sad? But why would they? There is a girl with black hair crying and an orange haired man comforting her. I know them, don't I?

Just then I processed her words. Suffer? Who is suffering? Why are they looking at me like that? Why…but I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't care about them. All that matters is the man in front of me.

The woman tries to speak again: "Yoru…" "Psst…," I raise one finger to my lips, "he has to rest." The people are giving me confused looks. I sigh. Can't they understand? One of the people moves to my side. A man…with a weird hat. He reaches out and touches my shoulder.

And then it happens. It feels like an electric current running through my system or crashing into a solid wall at full speed. My breath leaves my lungs and I can feel them fighting for air. My heart wreaks havoc in my chest. It fights to keep beating. And even my mind is fighting. Fighting to keep from losing itself.

Because right at this moment I can see why. And I understand.

The room is silent.

His bed is empty.

And my heart rips apart.

_No…_

…_this is not true._

Please R and R. It would make my day The sentences are supposed to be this short by the way. I apologize for any mistake I might have made…I'm from Germany so English is not my native language.

The idea for this fic just popped into my head and I had to write it down. Personally I don't really like it...but what the hell...

Noooooo! I killed Byakuya…excuse me while I punish myself :p :D (**At FC-members:** That was the crime I was talking about :p Now I probably owe ValentineWolf a Kleenex :p :D) But I promise the next one won't be like this :D

Tipp: Byakuya is not in the room. Yoruichi is imagining things...I know I'm cruel...


End file.
